I thought it was about time I put finger to keypad and let you know where I have been, presuming of course there are still people out there following my blog after my long absence, and are still interested. The last few months have not been easy for me – okay, if I’m honest they’ve been awful – seeing me separate from my husband and moving into a new flat with my daughter that I still feel isolated in. Don’t know if I’ll ever settle here but that’s a different story and one I won’t bore you with just now.
According to statistics, separation/divorce and moving house are the top two causes of stress and with the way I have been feeling would wholeheartedly agree with this. I’m not the first woman to separate from their husband and I won’t be the last but it’s a first for me having been with him for 19 years and it hit me harder than I thought possible. Normally my art would be therapeutic to me through times like this but I couldn’t face picking up my pencils and putting them to paper at all – just as well really as I wouldn’t have been able to see through my puffy eyes. It was honestly a case of ‘surely there can’t be any more tears’ and started to wonder where they were all coming from.
I reluctantly decided to take time out from doing commissioned work for the rest of the year as my heart wasn’t in it. The run up to Christmas is always a busy time for me and I couldn’t face any added stress of deadlines etc. and thought the break would give me much needed ‘me time’ to adjust to my new life. I didn’t want to stop drawing altogether – I couldn’t do that – but be able to pick up my pencils when I wanted and for how long I wanted.
Lately, for the first time in weeks, I have been wanting to draw but have nowhere to do it, hence no picture to share with you in this post! I had a room in my old house that I made into a studio which I now miss terribly. Here in the flat I can’t have such luxuries as I simply don’t have the space but I can fit a desk in (when it arrives) which will do for now. It should be with me, flat-packed unfortunately, early next week so will have pics to share with you then. I have a couple of horses I'm looking forward to starting.
In the meantime I will have to make do with looking at what other artists are up to (I follow a ridiculous number of blogs) and admire their artwork instead – always inspires me to get out my pencils, which incidently are still packed away in boxes along with my countless other art materials until I can find the space to put everything.
15 comments:
Hi Laura,
I'm sooo sorry hear about your news. I can't imagine what you must be going through. But from someone who has struggled with depression in the past, I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I know you'll eventually reach it! In the meantime, I hope you don't stay away from your artwork for too long! I love your work and follow your blog, and I'll be waiting patiently for your next post!!
I am so sorry to hear about your saddness. I know there is nothing anyone can say that will help but I hope you will feel brighter soon. We are all waiting to see more of your wonderful work :o)
I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through recently, Laura. I hope everything settles down for you soon. Take care,
Tracy
Thank you Heather, Gillian and Tracy - it's so good to know I still have readers of my blog out there:) It has been hard but I'm getting there albeit slowly. My desk is coming Friday so hopefully can loose myself in my art for a while:)
Hi Laura,
You definitely still have followers and people who read your blog. :) I just wanted to send my condolences and my "virtual hugs" - not as good as the real kind, but still better than nothing. This obstacle will just make you stronger in life - even if it doesn't seem like it now. If you're looking for more art blogs to follow (if you don't already follow mine of course!) you can check it out at www.bigcatart.blogspot.com and hopefully get some inspiration to pick up those pencils again!
Christina Langman
I am sorry to hear your news Laura, and that it has been a tough time for you....understandable that you dont feel like doing your art,but I am sure that in time you will adapt,adjust and eventually get into the rhythm of your new life. I look forward to seeing something soonish as I miss seeing your super pictures.
Dear Laura,
I can't tell you how it breaks my heart to hear of your sad news. I've been through separation in my marriage too and I lost interest in everything for about 7 months. I just wanted to tell you, it's OK to feel sad and wallow in it. You're surely entitled and it is devastating. However, don't dig yourself in that ditch too deep or it will be harder to pick yourself out. You have a passion and talent for art and give joy to so many. Believe me, once you're through the worst, you actually will be much stronger and a much better person. I know you're thinking you could have done without this experience, as the pain is great, and you're right. But in the end, you'll find something new and even more wonderful. I just know it. Have faith. We give our all to these men and lose ourselves. Once you find yourself, you'll fall in love all over again, with yourself! Take that little girls hand inside of you and be kind to her, love her, turn your face to the sun, feel it's warmth on your hair, and walk down your new road with a smile on your face. Even a kick in the behind is forward motion. Not only will you survive, you'll thrive. You are not the one who lost, your husband is! Linda
Thank you Christina - any hug is welcomed, virtual or not:)Great to see you blogging again - now off to catch up and drool over your cp drawings.
Thank you too Victoria:) I know I will get there - it's just the inbetween stage that's proving a struggle. My pencils are now out the box and ready for action so stay tuned:-D
Hi Linda
Thank you for stopping by my blog and for your kind words:)
Hi Laura
I am so sorry to hear you have all this emotional trouble. Hope you will soon feel better, and that you and your daughter will come out of it in the best way.
Lene
These sad times are tough, rough and feel soo long but they will give you and your art a new depth , a new strenght. That I am sure will be a good step towards the new happier you. Thinking of you, chin up :)
Hi Laura,
I am very sorry to hear what you have been going through.
Yes, do give yourself time - the shock and loss followed by big changes to your life require that you be extra kind to yourself.
I think you have the right approach, let your art be about your own personal joy...the demands of commissioned work can wait until you are ready.
I wish you all the best and don't worry, from the looks of these comments your readers are patient as well as very supportive.
Take care.
Having been on the path you now find yourself treading, I recommend a well-worn phrase: "This, too, shall pass." It's true. Recognize that your pain is the now, but not the always. Take care of yourself; your art is still inside you and will come when you're ready to let it out again.
Hi Laura, Just checked in to see what you are up to and I think these comments prove how many people read your blog and who support you! Your not alone and as everyone has said your work is superb so get that table up and start back as soon as you feel ready : ) Hope you are well and will speak soon!
Melanie xx
Hi Laura,
Just a further observation. I see all those out there that care about you. I hope it helps, even in some small way. I know this is difficult, but you MUST put one foot in front of the other. Pick a project that inspires you and really get involved. I'm sure you'll be surprised that it actually does make you feel better. Even if you have to first disguise the attempt to make US happy! :o)
Linda
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